I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
