mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
