I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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