I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize