I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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