i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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