You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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