so that wasnt chicken after all
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
