Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
