the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
