If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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