I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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