Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
