the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
