My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
