so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
