She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
