non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
