i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize