no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
