I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
