I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
