the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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