When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
