K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
