I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
