Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
