shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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