she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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