I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
