I can tuck mytits in my pants
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
