i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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