i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
