my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
