areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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