Don't make out with my wife yet
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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