i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
