you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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