Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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