Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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