so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
