awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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