I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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