I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
