Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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