If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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