I seem to have left my pride at pride
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
