I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
