i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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