and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
