I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
