i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
