Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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