i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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