I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
