I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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