I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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