I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
