you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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