Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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