cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
