So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
