I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
