Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
