Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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