My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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