Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
