Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
