Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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