i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
